just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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