ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
