dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just high enough for therapy.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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