It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Someone shattered a urinal.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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