i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
