but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
