They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The Olympian is in my bed
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
