I CAN MOONWALK!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
