One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I am one with the molecules
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
