Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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