Where did you get a picture of my penis
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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