What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
