Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
