I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
