my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize