so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You have to summon your inner elephant
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
