Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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