The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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