It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
