when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
