She is in my trunk
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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