So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
