we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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