distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
