so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
