don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
