I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
