I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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