Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
