did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
