sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
