Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
