You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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