Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize