Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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