Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
