i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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