Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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