my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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