farters have to be the big spoon...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
