And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
