Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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