Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
