9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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