Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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