in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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