singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
