My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
