I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
