the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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