i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
