Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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