There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
