You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
