Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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