yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
