You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
