I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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