Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
