put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
