I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
