hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
