Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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