It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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