I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
