a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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