I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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