I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
