Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
