I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
