i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize