If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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