Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
