Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
