woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
