They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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