It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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