is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
