Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
PANTIES FOUND
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
