it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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