Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
