um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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