They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
