Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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