It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
