Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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