I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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