While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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