I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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