No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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