I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She made me pour olive oil on her.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
