Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
