speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
