Hey man sorry I got all grabby
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
