I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
