Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize