I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
