I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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